Finding Yourself

No one ever forgets Beebe. Think of catching a firefly – she’s a little bit like that. Like lightning, she flickers and shines, dances and moves. She’s difficult to catch, but you always remember your time with her. Beebe is special. Her laugh fills the room and her eyes sparkle. If you ever do catch her, you realize you need to let her go. If captured, people like Beebe will lose their sparkle.

When I first met her, she introduced herself as Beebe. Her first name is really Stephanie, and I usually lean toward calling her Steph. We met on a Sunday. She and some other women had walked over from the addiction and abuse house located next door. Over time, she kept coming back and our friendship grew until we became good friends.

Behind Stephanie’s outward sparkle is a complicated and murky past. Perhaps you may be able to identify with parts of her story. If not, you will certainly come to appreciate the darkness my friend has struggled to overcome, as well as applaud the place where she is today. You may be reading this story right now and need hope to keep fighting in your own circumstances. You will find that hope here in her story.

Born to a mother who was a heroin addict, Stephanie was introduced to the Arizona Department of Social Services at a early age. She was found neglected as a child, dirty and uncared for, which resulted in being taken from her mom. Her dad had already left the home and remarried, and although only 21, he took full custody of Steph.

Growing up, what Stephanie really wanted was acceptance. She felt alone at home and it was hard for her to make friends at school. She desperately wanted attention and began acting out to get it. By the age of 14, she was stealing old cigarettes from her dad’s ashtray to smoke, and by 15, stealing alcohol and drinking. Lying and running away became routine, as did the grounding and discipline she received because of it.

That’s when her parents instituted what they called “tough love.” They made her live outside in a tent in the backyard. For meals, her step-siblings would take turns bringing food to her in a bowl. To make sure she wouldn’t run away, as soon as she arrived home from school, her parents took her pants. They thought if she didn’t have anything to wear, she wouldn’t run away. I still remember the first time Stephanie told me about this period of her life. There was a sick feeling in my stomach. And to be quite honest, whenever I remember, I still feel sick.

The “tough love” didn’t slow her down though. She began using acid at 16 years old and then progressed to XTC and ketamine, from which she almost overdosed. For her 17th birthday, she found herself in a juvenile detention center, otherwise known as “juvie hall,” for taking her parent’s car. At 18, my friend started injecting meth and became pregnant by a boyfriend who, as part of his abuse, would choke her. A miscarriage occurred and from then on, he labeled Steph a “baby killer.” By 20 years old my friend had lived quite a bit of life. Even so, there was quite a bit more to come.

There was one period of stability in Stephanie’s life though, and it occurred next. She went to live with her grandmother, who Steph considers the best friend she’s ever had. Grandmothers tend to love us when no one else seems to. Thank God for grandmas.

All good things come to an end and so do good people. Steph’s grandmother died and Beebe continued on in her addictions. She married Brian at age 27, who was also an addict. As this point, Stephanie became a prolific writer. Prolific in the context of writing bad checks. She managed to head to jail without passing go 47 times, and acquired some felonies along the way. It wasn’t until her late 30s that she received her first drug charge. This one wasn’t her last though. As a result, she cycled two or three times through an addiction and abuse safe house in Joplin where I lived.

This is the point in the story when I first met my crazy friend. One Sunday, Steph came through the doors of our church which was stationed right next door to the place she was receiving treatment, as well as right down the street from where she lived. Over the next few years, Steph fed the homeless at a local mission, helped at the church, and even helped me clean my house. I would add that she is fantastic at cleaning. Wherever that girl is, there is a whirlwind of activity and dust just seems to disappear.

During her time in Joplin, a F5 tornado came through and ripped up a large portion of town. It was no match for her. This red-haired frenzy was right in the midst of it, volunteering with her usual ceaseless energy and smiles. One evening as a group of us walked to the church, Stephanie realized her necklace had come off. This piece of jewelry was based on a scripture about faith and consisted of a chain that held a small round chamber containing a tiny mustard seed.

We all looked and looked that night, as well as in the days to come, but could never find that mustard seed necklace. Even though we never found the necklace, a mustard seed of faith remained in the heart of my friend. I think I’ve come to appreciate that addictions, mistakes, and wrong choices – whatever internal trouble we deal with, and no matter how bad, doesn’t negate the truth that faith can still reside inside of us, even when it doesn’t look so from the outside.

And from the outside, things were still quite messy. After leaving her husband, Steph became involved with another addict named Shane and the two of them soon left Joplin. Waking up with a needle in her arm was not uncommon and there was rarely a time when she wasn’t high. The next several years were some of the darkest. Shane was angry and abusive, and they were often homeless on the streets.

When I asked Steph why she didn’t leave him, the answer she gave was one I often hear from women who are abused: “He made me believe I didn’t deserve any better.” At this point, I just want to say, if there is anyone right now reading this story that has said that or believes that, it is a lie. Regardless of where you come from or what you have done, it doesn’t matter – Jesus still says you are dearly valued and endlessly loved.

When you don’t resolve the issue of your worth, the same bad choices keep happening. Shane left the picture, but another abusive boyfriend entered in and with him came a return of the choking episodes. One day the choking went on too long and her life almost ended. Stephanie had been unconscious, for who knows how long, and remembers waking up being resuscitated.

Soon after, surrounded by darkness, Steph attempted to take her own life. She found a rope, tied it around her neck, and tried to hang herself. The rope broke. It was at that moment she recalls a light coming on and the realization that her being alive must have some kind of purpose. In asking herself, “Why am I still here?” she concluded that there had to be a reason. This is the moment Stephanie began crawling out of the pit.

This also coincided with going to prison. The police found Steph carrying Klonopin, a controlled substance, for which she was charged and placed on probation. A couple of violations later, she was forced to go through a drug court program, which she promptly failed. Things spiraled out of control and her boyfriend began sexually trafficking her. At this point, Stephanie told the judge straight out to send her to prison. She chose it. In her heart, Steph knew her rescue from the drugs, violence, and abuse involved a hard reset. So, in 2022, my perceptive friend headed off for the pen. But the crazy thing is, prison brought freedom.

It was on that hard floor that Stephanie got down on her knees and had a “come to Jesus” meeting. She described it this way: “I just started bawling and couldn’t stop. All the things I had done wrong I named, and they kept coming and coming. I confessed all of it because I was done.” With tears streaming down, Steph surrendered control of her life to Jesus and everything changed. The consequences for her actions didn’t change, but she did.

After five months in prison, she was released, but only long enough to go directly to the county jail. Steph had an ample supply of prior charges, and on one of those charges, she had a probation violation. So, once again, off to jail she went. But this time was different. Stephanie was studying the Bible and sharing it with everyone in the day rooms of the jail. And for the first time, she began to understand her own worth and beauty. God creates masterpieces, of which Steph is one. So are you. Regardless of how messy we all look from the outside, we are priceless to Him.

Upon her release from jail, my friend had the distinction of being on “dual status,” which meant she was on both parole and probation. This was quite a feat for such a unmalicious sweet appearing person. That’s when the women from a local mission named “Healing House and New Beginnings” stepped in. Steph had nowhere to go following her exit from jail and they extended an offer for her to do a one-year, in-house rehab program. February 1st, 2025 was her program commencement day, which for her, represented two years of being clean. This story about my precious friend, is my graduation present to her.

I am beyond proud of Stephanie and who she has become, as well as all the hard work and hard decisions it took to get here. So what’s next for Steph? After one more test, she’ll be a certified nursing assistant (CNA), but that’s not where she plans to stop. Her ultimate goal is to become a certified peer specialist (CPS), which is a mental health professional who has experienced a mental illness or addiction and uses that experience to help others recover. She’ll be phenomenal and I’ll be cheering her on all the way. In the meantime, this girl wants to get her driver’s license, as well as her GED. Sounds like a full plate to me, but remember, she moves like lightning.

To end the story, I wanted to pass on to you some words from Stephanie. When I asked what she’d learned over her life’s journey, the most important thing was this – she realized her own worth. She learned that her life had value and that there was a purpose for her to be in this crazy world. And perhaps most importantly, she learned Jesus considered her worth dying for, and because of that, she lives forgiven. Of course, I always knew this red-haired, bubbly, sparkly, buzzing-around, beautiful woman in front of me had eternal value. But there are just some things we all need to learn for ourselves.

About the sparkly part, I wish to tell you one more thing. Stephanie says people comment to her often that she “shines.” Once, a girl even told her she saw angels all around her. Beebe revealed to me, “My whole life, I’ve always known they were there.” Perhaps that’s the reason the rope “just broke” when she tried to hang herself and perhaps that’s why she didn’t die when she was choked. Perhaps all of us need to have a moment when we ask ourselves, “Why am I still here?” and “What purpose does my life have?” I’m hoping we’ll all do what Steph did next – get up out of the pit and surrender our lives to the God who gives purpose to every single person He creates.

As for the mustard seed necklace, don’t worry, I sent her a new one. It was never about a necklace though. It was all about what that mustard seed represented – just the tiniest bit of faith. Stephanie said the mustard seed represented how little faith she had had in herself. She marvels at how something so tiny could grow into something so grand. All it takes is a tiny seed. So whatever tiny seed you have, take it and hold on tight. Never let go. And one day, you’ll marvel too.

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“I assure you that if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this hill, ‘Go from here to there!’ and it will go. You could do anything!” Matthew 17:20 GNT

“What is God’s kingdom like? What story can I use to explain it? It is like what happens when a mustard seed is planted in the ground. It is the smallest seed in all the world. But once it is planted, it grows larger than any garden plant. It even puts out branches that are big enough for birds to nest in its shade.” Mark 4:30-32 CEV

“Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth (removing obstacles that block your way). Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP

If we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done. 1John 1:9 NCV

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If you enjoyed the story, please leave a comment. Or leave a message for Stephanie, especially if you know her. I’m sure she would love it! And best of all, if you were encouraged by the story, please share it!

To read another inspirational recovery story, click here for “It Just Takes One”

Or if you would like to contact me, I’d love to hear from you at UncommonStories77@gmail.com.